A Tale Of Two Titties

Why breastfeeding is not as easy as it seems.

Much like most other stuff surrounding pregnancy and babies, breastfeeding came to me with much difficulty and a huge learning curve. The first time I fed Sophia, I was so high from the painkillers given to me that I couldn’t see what I was doing – the nurse was literally swatting my hand away as I tried to be a part of what was happening. It wasn’t a great start.

Women have been breastfeeding since the dawn of time, so I naturally assumed it would be easy. Well mama’s, I am here to tell you that breastfeeding is not easy. Not for everyone at least.

The Struggle

For the first three days, I could only get Sophia to latch on one side. I couldn’t figure out how to comfortably hold her while she tried to latch onto the other side, so it would usually end in her crying and me trying not to cry. My nipples hurt like HELL – all cracked and dry, and extremely tender to the touch. I also didn’t really know how often I should feed her; I assumed she would let me know in her own way, but I actually didn’t recognize her cues at that point. I basically just fed her whenever the nurses told me to, or whenever she was crying.

Once I was home, I had started to figure out how to feed her on both sides. It was still difficult, but at least one boob wasn’t rock hard and way bigger than the other. My nipples were still crazy sore, but I had discovered a tube of lanolin cream in one of my sample bags, so that was slowly improving as well. However, a new problem arose – cluster feeding.

Cluster feeding was the absolute bane of my existence those first two weeks. Sophia would feed every single hour. Sometimes even less than that! I actually cried on multiple occasions, blubbering to my fiancé that I was nothing more than a human milk bag. I was so tired that I would drift off anytime my baby was feeding. And because she was feeding so often, my body decided that I needed to produce a metric shit tone of milk. I was leaking through bras, shirts, even sweaters. At night time I would have to change my top two or three times, and I had to sleep on a towel. I had disposable breast pads, but they would become saturated so quickly that they just seemed pointless.

Somewhere around week three or four, I finally started to feel like I was getting to a point where I knew what I was doing. I was managing the leakage, cluster feeding was much less frequent (thank god), and my nipples were like rubber; they didn’t hurt at all anymore. But then came yet another challenge – trying to figure when and how to use a breast pump.

My fiancé and I had decided it would be beneficial for all of us if he could start feeding Sophia with a bottle once or twice a day. This would give me a break and time for a nap, he would get a chance to bond with her a little more, and (hopefully) she would be able to drink a little more and stay full for a longer period of time. It was a great idea, but it took me so long to figure out when to actually pump. I didn’t want Sophia to go hungry, but I also didn’t want to waste my time hooked up to the pump if I was empty. I did eventually figure it out, but there were a lot of tears from both Sophia and myself during that time.

The last problem I was faced with is still kind of tough for me: breastfeeding in public. I so badly wanted to be one of those fearless moms who can whip out the boob anyplace, anytime without any hesitation. Sadly though, I am not that mom. As much as I tell myself “it’s natural, you’re supposed to do this,” I still get pretty shy and embarrassed if strangers are nearby. I power through it anyways, but it would be nice if I didn’t get all sweaty and red with embarrassment. That pretty much sums up the issues I have had with breastfeeding. Compared to some women, these issues are really first world problems. Many women can have supply issues, clogged or blocked ducts, mastitis, thrush, anatomy issues, and more. I am extremely grateful not to have experienced more issues than the minor ones I’ve dealt with. While I can’t give advice for every breastfeeding concern, I can shed some light on the problems I was faced with.

Finding Solutions

There can be many reasons why a baby has trouble latching onto the breast; fussiness, sleepiness, large nipples or breasts, engorged breasts, inverted/flat nipples, tongue-tie, etc. My issue was positioning; I couldn’t seem to hold her in a way that was comfortable for either of us, and I had a hard time helping her reach the nipple. This may sound odd, but my advice is really to practice beforehand. Even if it’s just with a loaf of bread, practice different feeding positions so you can understand which ones will work for you and which won’t. Also, ask for help! The nurses at the hospital were extremely helpful when it came to feeding my baby, and so was my midwife. I also found that for the first few weeks, having a small pillow nearby was a big help. Having somewhere to rest your elbows while holding 7 pounds of baby makes a big difference.

Sore nipples are a pretty common problem for breastfeeding moms. Unless you’re used to someone beating the heck out of your nipples (no judgement if you are, everyone has a kink), breastfeeding is likely going to hurt for a little while at the beginning. The best advice I can give you mamas is to use lanolin cream right from the get-go. Don’t wait until you become sore or cracked – by then it’s too late. I used it after every feed for about a week before I started to feel normal again, but I’m sure things would have been much less painful if I had started from the beginning.

Cluster feeding isn’t really something you can avoid. Most babies do this, and there isn’t really one specific reason why they do it. I was exhausted and frustrated, and felt like a dairy cow. People kept telling me to sleep when the baby slept, but I couldn’t let myself do that. There was always something more important to do. My most crucial advice is this, ladies: NOTHING is more important than sleep. Get every damn minute you can! Sleep deprivation is no joke – I once started hysterically crying in my backyard because my fiancé went to the dog park without me. Seriously though, I was so tired that I couldn’t even drive safely. When your baby starts cluster feeding, do yourself a favour and sleep whenever baby sleeps. Laundry, dishes, a shower; that can all wait. If you have someone willing to help, utilize that help. Without my fiancé and my mother around to help me out and let me sleep for a while (even if it’s just 20 minutes here and there), I don’t know how I would have made it.

As for boob leakage, I’m not really sure I can offer much more advice than to buy some reusable breast pads. I found that the disposable ones felt sticky and uncomfortable when they became full, and I was worried about developing thrush as a result. With reusable pads, I didn’t find myself uncomfortable at all. I also didn’t feel so guilty about all the waste I was creating with disposable pads. For those of you who have issues with oversupply like I did, don’t worry. It’s very likely not going to last forever. I was told by my midwife that the reason for the oversupply is my body responding to what it thinks my baby needs. After a few weeks, milk production should slow down (alongside cluster feeding). By about 11 weeks, my body had finally figured out how much milk my baby really needed and I had no more leakage at all.

Like I said above, finding the time to pump was hard. Once Sophia got to the point where she was feeding every two hours instead of every hour, it became a lot easier to pump. At first, I would pump about an hour after every feed, until I felt like I had enough milk for one full feed. This would usually take about three or four sessions to do. I quickly noticed that I was producing a lot more milk in the mornings, so while Justin (fiancé) was in the nursery feeding Sophia, I would pump out a bottle for the next morning. This is still our routine, and it works perfectly for what we need! So, tips for you ladies: your body produces more milk in the mornings, so pump when you get up for the day. If your baby starts crying for food right after you’ve pumped, let her feed even if you think you have nothing left. Babies are more efficient at finding milk than a pump, so she may still get something. Or, she might just benefit from the comfort of suckling.

Last but not least; breastfeeding in public. For shy moms, this one might be tougher to deal with than the other issues I have talked about. We can tell ourselves that nobody cares in this day and age, or that it’s natural, or that nobody is paying attention anyways; but let’s get real here. It’s still hard to pull out your boob in public, especially if you’ve grown up in a society where public nudity is not kosher. I know myself, and so I know that I will always struggle with this one. I have found ways to ease my nerves, however. I always have a book in my diaper bag, so that way if I am out and about and need to feed Sophia, I can bury myself in a good story and not focus so much on what strangers might be feeling. I usually bring a nursing cover as well, but in the summer months I’m finding this to be a little too warm. I also always make sure I’m somewhere comfortable when I’m breastfeeding. I once made the mistake of squatting in a bathroom stall and trying to feed Sophia – I was uncomfortable, she was uncomfortable, and her cries attracted far more attention than my partially naked boob ever has. In my experience, most people actually don’t care if you feed your baby out in public. I have yet to experience any sort of encounter that was even a little bit negative. Try to remember ladies – most people are understanding, and the ones who aren’t are backwards hillbillies and not worth getting upset over.

My last piece of advice – be patient with yourself. Just because breastfeeding is a natural body process doesn’t mean that it’s going to come easy. For some women, it doesn’t come at all. No matter what your struggle is, just remember that fed is best. Don’t fret if things aren’t as simple as they look in the movies.

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